Should we use should?

Alright, so this ins't from the bible, but the idea is so facinating that I had to post it here.
I am reading a book called Hold Tight the Thread by Jane Kirkpatrick. This book is the 3rd in a trilogy, the series follows the story of Marie Dorion who was a member of the first overland expedition to the Pacific after the Louis and Clark expedition. So not the famous Louis and Clark trip, the one right after that. By the time of the 3rd book, Marie is getting older and has had children and grandchildren. The excerpt below comes from a conversation between Marguerite, Marie's daugter, and Marguerite's husband, JB.
"She (Marie) will have time for you, Etoile (Marguerite). She makes time for her oldest daugter if you ask."
"I shouldn't have to ask," Marguerite said.
"All that should happen in a life is that the sun should come up and night should follow day. A should that is not the brother of something natural has judgement written on it. It would be nice if everything went as we wished, but this desire that all things should go the way we want is wasted. Shoulds weigh heavy on a head."
"But if I've asked your sons to do something, and they know how to do it and its a reasonable request and they don't, shouldn't they do it? Shouldn't you make them do it? Shouldn't a son honor his mother?"
JB though. "This should word is a hammer," he said, "meant to pound you down. It keeps you from finding out what else you could do if you weren't shoulding someone else, wanting them to change. Your mother should do what she thinks she is called to do, whether it pleases you or not."


WOW, now that is deep... "A should that is not the brother of something natural has judgement written on it." How convicting is that? I know I do that everyday; "my brother should pick up his clothes after he takes them off," "The TV should not be on while we are getting ready," "My dad shouldn't gripe so much about lending me money." As JB said above, shoulds pass judgement on someone, you are judging them that they aren't good enough because they aren't doing something the way it should be done.

Using should keeps you from seeing what you can do about it. Should keeps your mind focused on things you can't change, the same as worry does. Jesus said in Matthew 6:27, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life" I can apply that to shoulds: "Who can change someone else by obsessing over how they should do something"

Instead of telling everyone how they should do something, try asking them if they could do something. People will hear it as a suggestion or a request instead of an order and will be more receptive to what you are asking.

Ineffective Refining

Jeremiah 6:27-30
²⁷ "I have made you a tester of metals
and my people the ore,
that you may observe
and test their ways.
²⁸ They are all hardened rebels,
going about to slander.
They are bronze and iron;
they all act corruptly.
²⁹ The bellows blow fiercely
to burn away the lead with fire,
but the refining goes on in vain;
the wicked are not purged out.
³⁰ They are called rejected silver,
because the LORD has rejected them." (NIV)

This is a cool metaphor. When a blacksmith refines the ore, he heats it up until all the impurities in the metal burn away or float to the top. He then skims the impurities, called slag, off the top and throws it away. Now he has relatively pure metal to work with.

Spiritually God does the same thing, he allows troubles (the heat) to come into our lives to refine us of our sin (aka slag). God is trying to make us pure metal, the more we hold onto sin the hotter the fire has to be to separate the slag from the metal. If we keep sinning, God will allow us to face troubles that we might not have had if we had listened to Him.

The Israelites were being refined by God, they had trouble after trouble beset them, nations invading left and right, plagues, droughts, etc. and yet they still rejected God, they still held onto their slag. Therefore God said, "Forget it, this metal is unworkable" and threw the Israelites out.

I admit that there are a few chunks of slag that I am refusing to let float to the top, I wouldn't be human if I didn't hold onto a few chunks. But overall, I am trying to let God refine me into the pure metal that he can work with. We will be more effective if we are a tool made out of pure metal than a tool that will crack because of the impurities. Banging a nail with a steel hammer is much more effective than banging the same nail with a lump of iron ore. God can use anyone, he will use us, whether we are a steel hammer or a lump of ore. But God can use us much more effectively when we are a tool made out of pure metal, fitted to His hand, able to hit the nail squarely on the head.