Should we use should?

Alright, so this ins't from the bible, but the idea is so facinating that I had to post it here.
I am reading a book called Hold Tight the Thread by Jane Kirkpatrick. This book is the 3rd in a trilogy, the series follows the story of Marie Dorion who was a member of the first overland expedition to the Pacific after the Louis and Clark expedition. So not the famous Louis and Clark trip, the one right after that. By the time of the 3rd book, Marie is getting older and has had children and grandchildren. The excerpt below comes from a conversation between Marguerite, Marie's daugter, and Marguerite's husband, JB.
"She (Marie) will have time for you, Etoile (Marguerite). She makes time for her oldest daugter if you ask."
"I shouldn't have to ask," Marguerite said.
"All that should happen in a life is that the sun should come up and night should follow day. A should that is not the brother of something natural has judgement written on it. It would be nice if everything went as we wished, but this desire that all things should go the way we want is wasted. Shoulds weigh heavy on a head."
"But if I've asked your sons to do something, and they know how to do it and its a reasonable request and they don't, shouldn't they do it? Shouldn't you make them do it? Shouldn't a son honor his mother?"
JB though. "This should word is a hammer," he said, "meant to pound you down. It keeps you from finding out what else you could do if you weren't shoulding someone else, wanting them to change. Your mother should do what she thinks she is called to do, whether it pleases you or not."


WOW, now that is deep... "A should that is not the brother of something natural has judgement written on it." How convicting is that? I know I do that everyday; "my brother should pick up his clothes after he takes them off," "The TV should not be on while we are getting ready," "My dad shouldn't gripe so much about lending me money." As JB said above, shoulds pass judgement on someone, you are judging them that they aren't good enough because they aren't doing something the way it should be done.

Using should keeps you from seeing what you can do about it. Should keeps your mind focused on things you can't change, the same as worry does. Jesus said in Matthew 6:27, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life" I can apply that to shoulds: "Who can change someone else by obsessing over how they should do something"

Instead of telling everyone how they should do something, try asking them if they could do something. People will hear it as a suggestion or a request instead of an order and will be more receptive to what you are asking.